Finding your core values and living by them will make you more decisive and give you a state of peace not otherwise attainable. Now that seems like a big claim, I know, but it’s true. From the last article, we learned that core values may not be fixed for the rest of your life. They are not in a fixed order of priority either, but rather on case-by-case bases (Seligman, 1996). This may make them seem like vague and unimportant tools that counselors and coaches use just to fill up time in a session. However, they truly are worth the effort to wrap your head around because, when figured out, they can improve your life so you can live the life you subconsciously want to live (Sherman et al., 2013). See it as a blueprint, a map, a shortcut to aligning your conscious decisions to that subconsciously desired life. Yet, that leaves us with one question… How do you find out what your core values are?
Traditional
The easiest and best way would be to do a one-on-one with a coach or psychologist to find your core values. However, not everyone has access to this type of help so many will resort to the more traditional suggested ways to find your core values. These ways include methods such as doing online questionnaires or looking at a list of value words that may resonate with you. The issue with these methods is that it’s hard to find a good free online questionnaire and that the list method is great for when you already have an idea of what your values are.
So what’s a better way to find your core values without the help of a professional? We would argue the two-step method below.
Reflect
To discover our values, it is crucial to understand how we conceptualize ourselves (Holland et al., 1970). Reflecting is one of the most powerful tools we have, so let’s start here.
Negative events stay with us like chewing gum on our shoes, but they can serve a purpose besides making us feel worse. If you are not sure what your core values are then you can try to find out by looking at what behaviors in others you dislike. Very simply put you probably have the opposing value to that behavior.
If not a lot of behavior has bothered you in the past then looking for what individuals inspire you can help you figure out what you value. We recommend using both the behaviors that bothered you and those that inspired you to get an all-rounded view of what you find important life codes to live by.
Here’s how to do that. To make life a little easier you can use the worksheet we made or write this down on a piece of paper/digitally. Start by writing down names or titles of people that inspired you or bothered you and what did they do? For example; Lady at the checkout counter, let me go ahead of her in the checkout line. You should be left with a couple of rough ideas of what you liked and disliked about those individuals.
Don’t worry about getting the perfect descriptive wording yet, we will get to that in the umbrella terms paragraph of this article. For now, just write the first few things you can remember. Often times the ones we can still remember really had the most impact on our emotions and are therefore more memorable. So don’t worry about making this list exhaustive, trust your amygdala to help you remember the most important ones to you.
Interview
Another great strategy is to do an interview with yourself, to ask you what you want your life to look like.
There is no one great list of questions that is foolproof. The main point is that you ask yourself questions about your past and the future you want. Together with analyzing your decision-making process, similar to keeping a food diary for when going to the dietician, dissecting your everyday decisions can help us understand what is important to us. Whatever made you decide one option over the other can show you what you prioritize in life.
Asking these types of questions may prompt the brain to learn from the past about what it wants for the future by analyzing the past for both ups and downs. We’ve made a free list of interview questions that can help you. Once you finish the article we recommend answering them. you can find them by clicking the link in this paragraph or at the end of this article.
We all learn in different styles, auditory, reading, written, and visual. If you do best-having someone ask you these questions and answering them then do so with a person you are comfortable with. If you are more of a visual learner it might be good to take some time to display, say through drawing/mind mapping, what you’re imagining. Maybe you prefer to write your answers down or to read the questions. How ever you choose to answer these questions make sure it helps you to really focus and understand the question in order to answer as true to your feelings as possible.
Umbrella Terms
Now it’s time to narrow it down. Take your answers from both the reflecting worksheet and the interview worksheet and see what those answers have in common. Group similar answers together to reveal a pattern of values. Once we’ve grouped like items we can get a clearer idea of what umbrella term best describes these values (Seligman et al, 1996). This is when we recommend using the traditional value list to look for a descriptive word that works best to describe the values you noticed from your answers (White, n.d.).
You’ll likely find that there are words that fall under the same underlying value. This is deliberately done because words hold different meanings based on the individual reading them. This can get a little confusing, therefore, to further clarify we can use Schwarts’ 10 basic values to get the best clarity possible. These include self-direction, stimulation, hedonism, achievement, power, security, conformity, Tradition, Benevolence, and universalism (Schwartz, 2012). See which themes show up and which umbrella term suits it. Once we know under which umbrella term our values fall, pick a title for those umbrellas that resonate with you and easily help you remember your values in the future.
The Takeaway
by asking questions about our decision-making process, future, past, and who or what moments in our life we admire or disliked, we get a clear example from our subconscious about what our conscious should be doing. This way we get the internal conversation going that’s needed to rearrange our future actions to reach our dream life. Once we know our core values we can learn about aligning our life settings to match our individual identity to feel truly at peace to be who we are.
Resources
Related Articles
07: The Right Environment For You
References:
Holland, M. L., Brock, S. E., Oren, T., & van Eckhardt, M. (1970, January 1). Commitment: Values and professional goal setting. SpringerLink. Retrieved May 28, 2022, from https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-3-030-83492-0_5
Schwartz, S. H. (2012). An overview of the schwartz theory of basic values – grand valley state … Online Readings In Psychology and Culture. Retrieved May 28, 2022, from https://scholarworks.gvsu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1116&context=orpc
Seligman, C., Olson, J. M., & Zanna, M. P. (1996). Psychology of values: The ontario symposium (Vol. 8). New York: Psychology Press. doi:https://doi.org/10.4324/9780203773857
Sherman, D. K., Hartson, K. A., Binning, K. R., Purdie-Vaughns, V., Garcia, J., Taborsky-Barba, S., Tomassetti, S., Nussbaum, A. D., & Cohen, G. L. (2013). Deflecting the trajectory and changing the narrative: How self-affirmation affects academic performance and motivation under identity threat. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 104(4), 591–618. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0031495
White, M. G. (n.d.). Examples of core values: 100 powerful principles. Example Articles & Resources. Retrieved from https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-core-values.html
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